I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
