I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
