The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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