We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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