He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
