she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
