I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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