I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
