At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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