Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
