Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
love makes seman taste better
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
