Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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