cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
