Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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