ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
