Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This toilet bowl is my home.
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