Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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