I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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