I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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