come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
