I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize