I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
