Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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