I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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