i would punch a child for taco bell
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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