i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Fuck appropriateness.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
