i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
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So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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