I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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