Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
