The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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