Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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