Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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