Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
