Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
