just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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