just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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