White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
