Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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