He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
His hands were made for my vagina.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
