Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
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there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
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We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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