so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
