I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
