The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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