He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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