absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
