And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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