I can text with my tongue
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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