i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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