it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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