Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
