In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
