her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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