i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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