he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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