The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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