I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
