we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
