At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
