he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
