You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
