If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
