You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
