dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
