The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
