I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
