I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
