He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
