Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You're a waste of cheezeits
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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