2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
