I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
