put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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