these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
