The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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