Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
