Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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