im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
