So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
