How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
