In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
