ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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