I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
