Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
