made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
